Waterlillyes

A slightly crazy 25 year old with a great husband and two wonderful kids. The only reason one would want to read my inner thoughts is complete boredom or unconditional love.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I'm going through an interesting time in my life. I've always known that I wanted children, and I do have two beautiful, wonderful children, a boy and a girl, one of each! And they are the absolute light of my life. But the funny thing is, I didn't "plan" them (funny being the operative word). With Seth, he's not mine biologically, but he is in every other possible way. Lily is mine biologically, but I didn't specifically plan to have her at the time I did. Make no mistake, though, I wouldn't change any of it for anything. I am deeply in awe of how blessed I've been. But now...I WANT ANOTHER ONE!! I want another baby!! I want to buy crib bedding and search on ebay for "just one more roll" of border and I want to go by the baby section in Wal-mart and find a sleeper that I just have to have. But more than that, I want to feel that sweet soft skin next to my cheek, I want to rub my hand lightly over the soft peach-fuzz hair, I want to watch an angel sleeping in a bassinet beside my bed, I want that FEELING again. The feelings that mothers know - absolute, unconditional love for someone so small, someone so new, yet someone that you cannot imagine life without. I know, I know, I know. The baby years go by SO fast, believe me, I KNOW. They have already zoomed by with my two babies. And I know that the teenage years are less than magical and I know that potty training is no fun at all. I know that I will be tired and I will cry and pray and cry and get no sleep and cry and yell at my husband and all that stuff. But I can also see that Lily will want to help pick out his or her outfits, and Seth will be proud of him or her, and I will smile and I will feel that FEELING again. And I know he or she will grow up, but I'll never forget the FEELING and whenever times get tough and I think I can't handle another kid, I'll look at him or her and I'll remember the way I felt, just like I do with Seth and Lily. It may not be in the next year or in the next 3 years, who knows when it will be? Only God knows, (I wish he'd let me in on it, but I suspect He'll tell me when the time comes :)

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